1. Pick one of the free options. Don’t worry, despite the original option looking perfectly clean (you know, BORING) you can still edit your layout!
2. Go stroll around in pixiv and take the first picture you see you see, preferrably in the smallest size, full of colours, no loop, so that the picture repeats in the background like bunch of boy band posters you have on your wall. You know, now the background is perfectly you, you picked the picture yourself! Also, don’t bother to link back to the artist, like that picture took them more than a minute to make anyway. Also, plus for adding tons of different unrelated gifs on the sidebar. It’s not like on your picture blog you could actually just post them. Anyone would rather have them repeat and repeat and blink and blink some more until their eyes will shut down. They are just not cool enough to handle the awesomeness.
3. If the colours are too matching or don’t fit your new amazing wallpaper, change them! Be sure to use colours like hot pink or bright yellow and orange, with lime green, and mix these together for most interesting results. It’s not like you will have to look at your own layout, since you have your dash (and like you wouldn’t know what you posted yourself, d’oh), surely your visitors have developed eyes that can handle all the colours of rainbow. Also, little seizure is nothing, blindness too.
4. Choose a new font! Verdana was far too easy to read, and your visitors appreciate challenge, especially if you write a lot! Also, I’ve heard comic sans is awfully popular, and gives the most comical feel! He hee. Grammar is for losers too.
5. Since your music taste is the best, you shouldn’t take into account that some would rather listen their own music. So, pick your most favourite Bieber track and put it on the background to play, on repeat too. Make sure you take away the option to shut the music off, since your music is 12325253 times more important than what your visitor was listening, despite them going trough the life works of Mozart.
6. Hide your ‘next page’ link, or make sure you put on infinite scrolling! Since surely someone will have the patience to wonder where the hell they left off, or where to find the next page. Making things easily accessible for your visitor is so last season. Which brings us to our next point.
7. Once your blog is set up and perfectly blinking and blinding, make sure that every tag has nothing to do with anything! Because you’d rather make people crawl through your every post than let them easily pick out the ones they want to see, or do not want to see. Also make sure NOT TO include spoiler warning tags.
8. Your blog is now p e r f e c t! Make sure to advertise it to everyone, and start spamming everyone’s ask box with links to your blog or repost every picture that has ever existed from every fandom possible (like the same Pottermore pictures we’ve seen 134241234 times), so people know you are too good to reblog things.
Over and out.
Note: I am not perfectly guiltless of these points, and I am not trying to offend anyone. I picked out repetitive things that annoy me a lot. Also, there is nothing wrong taking one of the default layouts, it’s only the starting point of the tutorial. Be sure to tell me if I missed things that annoy you, when visiting someone else’s blog.
Huh. Sounds about right. Make sure you got that music at full volume too.